Too many thoughts

This is not my usual happy blog. Just a warning.

I realize it's been a really long time since I've blogged. There hasn't really been much going on in my life that was blog worthy. I could have been super random and just written about nothing, but I didn't want to waste your time. It wouldn't have been entertaining anyway.

But now that I'm back at school there's a lot to think about, but I have no idea how to put any of those thoughts into words. I will attempt it, but will probably not succeed.

I think it's just that things (people) are different, and whenever things change, I tend to think a lot. 1st of all, the class of 2009 is gone. I miss them. So I start to think, "Will I ever see them again?", and "If I do see them, our friendship will not be the same as it was that year we were all at school together." I just miss the way everything was last year. It was just so... fun. I know that it's only the 2nd full day of MASTER Plan, but so far I haven't had as much fun as I did last year.
2nd of all, people who I thought I had developed strong friendships with have shown themselves not to be my true friends, but acquaintance collectors. We all know these kinds of people: they're the ones who will love on you when you're around, then talk badly about you when you're not. Even if they don't talk about you, they don't really want to be around you. Until they need something: help with homework, a ride somewhere, something to borrow. I can't speak for everyone, but I have been that person most of my life; I have been 'collected' by quite a few people. I am not the person who gets a phone call or a text message to just come hang out, go shopping, or go eat with. In fact, at the end of last year I found myself asking people when fun stuff was happening, and asking them to let me know when it was. I was sadly disappointed when I woke up in the morning to hear about all the fun things that happened the night before, all of which I was clearly not wanted at. I am the one who gets the "Can you help me with my spanish homework?", "Are you driving to church tomorrow? Can you pick me up?" types of phone calls. And I nicely, and passively comply- which is why 90% of the time I feel used. Then, when the collector is done with me, I go back on the shelf until it's time for me to help again.
So to those of you who read this and know that you have collected me: I really do love you. Part of me goes ahead and helps you because I am nearly incapable of saying no to anyone, but I mostly do it because I want you to love me as much as I love you. I like being the person that people know they can rely on, but sometimes it would be nice if I knew I could rely on you too. It would be great if for once you followed up my question about how your life is going with a question about mine. Maybe I need someone to talk to as well.
Also, if you have identified yourself as a collector: Please stop. Whether you're collecting me, or someone else, please know that it's not fun. We passive folk don't really enjoy being used. And just know that I've made my final decision, and I'm through being used. It's been going on since I was in 4th grade, and I'm finished. So if you do continue to try to 'collect' me, you'll soon find me unavailable.

I think that's all.

P.S. This blog is completely un-edited. I typed what I thought immediately and left it how it was. You're not going to find much more raw feeling than what's in the above few paragraphs.