New Blog

Hello everyone! I got a new blog for my study abroad experience! Follow that one instead of this one.

Too many thoughts

This is not my usual happy blog. Just a warning.

I realize it's been a really long time since I've blogged. There hasn't really been much going on in my life that was blog worthy. I could have been super random and just written about nothing, but I didn't want to waste your time. It wouldn't have been entertaining anyway.

But now that I'm back at school there's a lot to think about, but I have no idea how to put any of those thoughts into words. I will attempt it, but will probably not succeed.

I think it's just that things (people) are different, and whenever things change, I tend to think a lot. 1st of all, the class of 2009 is gone. I miss them. So I start to think, "Will I ever see them again?", and "If I do see them, our friendship will not be the same as it was that year we were all at school together." I just miss the way everything was last year. It was just so... fun. I know that it's only the 2nd full day of MASTER Plan, but so far I haven't had as much fun as I did last year.
2nd of all, people who I thought I had developed strong friendships with have shown themselves not to be my true friends, but acquaintance collectors. We all know these kinds of people: they're the ones who will love on you when you're around, then talk badly about you when you're not. Even if they don't talk about you, they don't really want to be around you. Until they need something: help with homework, a ride somewhere, something to borrow. I can't speak for everyone, but I have been that person most of my life; I have been 'collected' by quite a few people. I am not the person who gets a phone call or a text message to just come hang out, go shopping, or go eat with. In fact, at the end of last year I found myself asking people when fun stuff was happening, and asking them to let me know when it was. I was sadly disappointed when I woke up in the morning to hear about all the fun things that happened the night before, all of which I was clearly not wanted at. I am the one who gets the "Can you help me with my spanish homework?", "Are you driving to church tomorrow? Can you pick me up?" types of phone calls. And I nicely, and passively comply- which is why 90% of the time I feel used. Then, when the collector is done with me, I go back on the shelf until it's time for me to help again.
So to those of you who read this and know that you have collected me: I really do love you. Part of me goes ahead and helps you because I am nearly incapable of saying no to anyone, but I mostly do it because I want you to love me as much as I love you. I like being the person that people know they can rely on, but sometimes it would be nice if I knew I could rely on you too. It would be great if for once you followed up my question about how your life is going with a question about mine. Maybe I need someone to talk to as well.
Also, if you have identified yourself as a collector: Please stop. Whether you're collecting me, or someone else, please know that it's not fun. We passive folk don't really enjoy being used. And just know that I've made my final decision, and I'm through being used. It's been going on since I was in 4th grade, and I'm finished. So if you do continue to try to 'collect' me, you'll soon find me unavailable.

I think that's all.

P.S. This blog is completely un-edited. I typed what I thought immediately and left it how it was. You're not going to find much more raw feeling than what's in the above few paragraphs.

How many days?

I want to go back to Mexico. I thought I would be able to go over fall break, but that plan was foiled. Though I was given approval to go back for 3 weeks next summer.

Next summer is just so far away. I miss those kids like crazy. 

Casa Hogar Emanuel Orphanage

It’s funny.

It’s funny that looking back at my last post, seeing the names of those kids, I remember that a week ago, they meant nothing to me. They were just names attached to a picture in a booklet I was given. And now they each have their own personality: likes, dislikes, attitudes, behaviors, quirks, etc. It’s amazing to me how much emotion is now attached to those names. Now, rather than basically being like a class roster, it’s a list of kids that I love very, very much.

So, let’s try listing them again.

Bryan Rodriguez- I swear, he is one of the cutest kids I’ve ever seen. He has one of those smiles and giggles that can make your entire day better, no matter how tired, dirty, or sore you may be. Everyone always wants to play with Bryan. He is just too cute. Bryan is basically the shadow of a man who works at the orphanage (Geronimo, whose testimony I will tell later). It was so funny to watch how he acted around him. On Thursday night, the last night we were there, we were all in the orphanage watching a movie with them. Geronimo and Bryan walked in (it was WAY past Bryan’s bed time at this point: it was like, 11:00) and Geronimo was trying to get Bryan to stay in there with us. When he walked in, Bryan sat down, and he tried to back out of the room. Bryan followed him. He took a step back into the room. So did Bryan. This went on for at least 3 minutes. It was too funny!

Sara "Sarita" Beserril- Sarita is a little pistol. She is sassy, let me tell you what. The first day we got there I tried to talk to her and she literally ran away from me. And every day for the rest of the week, it was always a guessing game what kind of mood she was going to be in. She was either going to hang all over you or hate you. She was coloring with me on Sunday and she was drawing sad faces all over one of the coloring pages. When I asked her why she was sad, she looked at me and said, “You.” I was just like, “Well, alrighty then.” I soon learned that the trick was to let her come to me. If I did that, she was fine. But if I went after her, she freaked out and became a little meanie. But she too is really cute. Her voice is so precious! I loved listening to her speak Spanish. I can’t even describe it.

Nataly Morillo- Nataly is pretty much the opposite of Sarita. Nataly was ALWAYS wanting to hang all over us. She wanted us to pick her up, spin her around, “poosh” her on the swings or the merry-go-round thing. The funniest story about her (and Sarita too) is about school. In Mexico, whenever the teacher isn’t there, the kids just don’t go to school. So on Tuesday, she and Sarita decided they didn’t want to go to school, so they told Sara (who is the on-sight director of the orphanage) that they didn’t have school. Later that day, the school called wondering where they had been. They DID have school that day. Learning to skip school at the tender age of 6- wow.

Francisco "Ponchito" Beserril-This little boy… I don’t even know where to start. He is (if I had to pick one) my favorite. I’m not sure what it is about him, but we clicked immediately. For one thing, he is really sensitive. It may be annoying to some people, and some would call him a cry-baby, but this kid has been through a lot. I’ll tell his and some others’ stories at the end. I can’t think about them right now or I’ll cry… again. But Ponchito is just so kissable, huggable, lovable, and cuddly. He just loves to snuggle, which I guess to me is weird for an 8-year-old boy. I love snugglers, so I guess that may be why I love him so much. He was definitely the hardest for me to leave. On Thursday afternoon, after our last sport’s camp thing, I started to prepare him for our departure. When I told him I had to leave in the morning after they went to school, I started to cry. He looked at me and just said “¿Porque lloras?” (Why are you crying?) And I tried to explain to him that I didn’t want to leave, that I loved him a lot and it was going to be really hard for me to go. That night, after we did our hug line, I just sat there with him in my lap, trying to explain to him why I had to leave, and why I might not be back for a long time. He just kept repeating, “Tu no sales mañana.” It wasn’t a question or command, but a simple statement. “You’re not leaving tomorrow.” That just broke my heart because I had to keep saying, “Yes, I am leaving tomorrow.” We all watched 2 movies that night, and he sat in my lap through both of them, cuddled up to me with his head on my shoulder. Occasionally he would turn over on his side and wrap his arms around my neck, then around my arm and lay his head on it. It was then that I realized how much these kids just need love. Don’t get me wrong, Sara and Geronimo do a WONDERFUL job there, and the kids all love each other a lot, but they just don’t get the individual attention that they all need. Ponchito just wanted to be held, and loved. I really could adopt that little boy. I love him so much. He wrote me a little note that said, “Hola. Soy de Naco, Sonora. Te  bon a estrañar muyo. Te crero mucho. Adios, Ponchito.” It’s so cute because 90% of that is spelled wrong. It’s supposed to say, “Hola, Soy de Naco, Sonora. Te voy a extrañar mucho. Te quiero mucho. Adios, Ponchito,” which means “Hello. I am from Naco, Sonora. I am going to miss you a lot. I love you a lot. Goodbye, Ponchito.” I can’t effectively communicate how much I love this little boy and how much I’m going to miss him until I see him again next summer.

Manuel Beserril- Manuel is Ponchito’s brother. He too has some sensitivity issues, but instead of getting sad like Ponchito does, he gets angry. I didn’t really get to know Manuel very well this week, but when I did spend time with him, it was always good. I feel like kids like him sensed my motherly nature, because a lot of times whenever one of them just wanted a hug, or needed to be comforted they came to me, especially if they didn’t want to talk about it. That’s a little weird though, because I should be the one they avoid if they don’t want to talk about it, as I was the one that spoke Spanish. Manuel gave me the biggest hug in the hug line on the last night. He and Hugy (who I’ll get to momentarily) just stood there with their arms wrapped around me for like, 5 minutes. Again, these kids just need love.

Jenifer Rodriguez- Jenifer took me in on the first day. When I got there, she gave me a hug immediately, having never met me. After we were done unloading, she took my hand and led me into her room, all without saying a word, even after I asked her where we were going (in Spanish). When we got to the room, she opened up a folding chair, and instructed me to sit in it, and then she just started doing my hair. When she was done, she pulled me out into the living room and we watched Toy Story for a little while, then went outside and sat on the cornhole tables watching the other kids play basketball. We didn’t talk very much that day, but she just hung around. It was good. I felt like that was the Lord telling me to calm down, that the kids were going to like me.

Hugy Beserril- Hugy is amazing. She’s really quiet, but when she does talk, she has something important to say. Also, she’s such a mother figure, even though she’s only 12. She looks after the younger ones a lot, and just loves on them. On Monday night we were all in the chapel watching a movie, and Sarita (her little sister) was cold. So Hugy brought her to me and said “Ella tiene frío,” and put her on my lap, so I could keep her warm. I think too that Hugy was cold, but she wanted to make sure Sarita was taken care of first.

Armando Rodriguez- Armando is just hilarious. He was always the one running around, dancing, singing, etc. One day he put on a winter cap, sunglasses, and a bandana and randomly roamed around the play yard. He looked like a robber, and it was really funny. Armando also really liked to take people’s cameras and take pictures with them. He jacked mine for like an hour, and when I got it back it had no memory left on it… that was on Monday. I had to delete a bunch of the pictures to make room for more!

Grecia Loredo- Grecia plays rough. She too is really quiet, and she’s really sweet, but she is rough! On Sunday I was outside playing with her and Jenifer on the teeter-totter, and I was making it so that Jenifer’s side would actually go down, then I was just bouncing them around and everything. Well, I fell off because Grecia decided to suddenly stand up (and you know how that goes with teeter totters. So there I was, laying in the dirt, perpendicular to the teeter totter with my legs still above it. And she starts teetering again. So there I was, my legs stuck while she went up and down. I was basically exercising- and she WOULDN’T STOP. I eventually just had to fall off and backwards roll out of the way. It was crazy.

Nelson Hernan- Nelson was SO funny! On Sunday, Sarah Green fell off the merry-go-round, and scraped up her knees really bad. She was fine, and she was actually laughing, so Nelson decided to make fun of her. Every time he saw her he would just say, “Cry, cry!” because he claimed that Sarah cried when she fell off. Then by the end of the day, the word ‘cry’ had transformed into the word ‘crap’, because he forgot how to say it, and then Mily and Paloma thought that crap was actually a swear word, and he got really embarrassed and apologized over and over for calling Sarah that before I realized what was going on and sorted out the whole situation.  

Angel Olivarez- Angel was really quiet, and I didn’t get to know him that well. From what I saw and could tell though, he was a really great kid. He struggled in school with math, but he worked really hard. Last I heard he had to pass 3 tests or he got held back. I really hope he passed them! What really touched me about Angel was when I saw how much he cared for the other kids. On Wednesday, he and Cindy were joking around out in the yard, and she went to kick him, he grabbed her foot, and she fell. She was actually knocked out for a couple of minutes and we had to call the ambulance and she went to the hospital. The whole time she was gone he was so worried- I’m pretty sure I saw him crying. Obviously like any human, part of him felt guilty, but he really does care about Cindy.

Jose "Checho" Mollinedo- Checho made it his job to tell all of “Las Americanas” everybody else’s business. He made sure to tell me to tell Kelsey over and over again that Armando liked her and thought she was beautiful. When we asked him how old Armando was, Checho told us he was 10, and when we told him that Kelsey was almost 18, he just said (in Spanish), “Yea, well she looks 12 so it doesn’t really matter.” He also made it his job to convince Kelsey to switch spots on the couch so Armando would be sitting by her, and then started a big running joke that Kelsey cried every day for Armando. I just thought it was really funny. Maybe you think so too, maybe not.

Francisco "Poncho" Hernandez- Poncho is very… unique. For being as old as he is, he’s very affectionate and just likes to hang all over everyone. He also doesn’t care what anyone thinks about him. He does whatever he wants whenever he wants. He’s really sweet too. He was always making sure everyone else was alright. But he had his funny side too- he was in on all the jokes with Sarah, Kelsey, Nelson, and Armando. He made fun of us all just as much as the rest of them did.

Jordan Valdez- Much like Ponchito did with me, Jordan latched onto Sarah. Jordan really loved water balloons- he was obsessed with them. So the night before we left, Jordan filled up 2 water balloons with water, wrote ‘Jordan’ on one and ‘Sarah’ on the other, put them in a basked with suckers and a picture of him, and gave it to Sarah. I think she almost cried. She was determined too that she was going to take them on the plane. I’m not really sure how that worked out- I’m interested to hear. She said she was going to cry if security tried to take them away from her. She acted like they were her babies. Jordan also liked to call me “creída” which took me a while to figure out what it meant, because I had to look it up. It means ‘full of oneself’. I’m not sure why he called me that- but he and Armando loved to call me that, and do impressions of me walking around and flipping my hair. Maybe it’s because I’m blonde… it had to be because I looked the grungiest every day of all the people there.

Ruby Murillo- Ruby is another of the really quiet ones. She just liked to sit and watch and listen. She didn’t want to talk or really play. She just wanted to observe. She had one of the prettiest smiles though. When we made her laugh, her smile just lit up her face.

Raul Gutierrez- Raul is such a father figure. One night in particular stands out to me. The night we went to the basketball game, we didn’t take the younger kids because we knew we’d have to pay more attention to them than the girls that were playing. Manuel, Ponchito, Nataly, and Sarita were the 4 that got left behind, and they were really upset. So Raul stayed behind to hang out with them, even though his sister, Mily, was playing. He’s just a really sweet teenager.

Gema "Mily" Aldaz- Mily is stinking hilarious. She was telling us how we’re her favorite church that comes down, and she just said, “It’s funny though, because all the groups that come down want me- I’m the best.” She’s also really athletic and competitive, and whatever team she’s on wins everything. We didn’t really connect until Thursday during capture the flag, when we were on the same team. I think I had to prove to her that I was just as competitive as she is. We were both just casually walking towards the other team’s flag, hoping they wouldn’t spot us, even though we had on our team color. I finally got the flag and started running. Being the slow runner that I am though, I knew I was going to get tagged before I got to our side. I noticed 4 of the other team’s members closing in on me, and then saw Mily by my side. I threw her the flag right before the other team tackled me to the ground, she made it to our side, and we won. It was great.

Janeth Hernandez- Janeth is really sweet too. She’s a lot like Ruby- really quiet, prefers to observe, etc, but has a smile that can make your day instantly better. She is one of the few that cried when we left. She just has a huge heart. She always wants to be hugged or be close to somebody. Again, I think all of the kids do.

Paloma Loredo- This girl is GORGEOUS. She is so pretty it hurts. I can definitely see her being a model eventually. Like most of the other girls, she is really quiet and prefers to watch rather than participate, but I did learn that she absolutely LOVES Twilight- making her move up my list like, 1,000 points. She has the first book in Spanish, but none of the rest, so Sarah Green and I are going to buy her the rest of the series and send them to her. I think she’d like that very much.

Christina Leto- She’s such a sweetheart. She actually has some developmental issues and though she is 17, is probably at a mental age of a 2^nd or 3^rd grader. She doesn’t talk much at all. She just laughs. And laughs. And laughs. I love this girl, and so do all the other kids. They’re so sweet to her, and are all very helpful. They are incredibly patient and all just love her.

Cindy Gutierrez- In this picture, Cindy is on the left- the one sitting down. All of the kids idolize Cindy. She’s the oldest there, and is the only one with her own room. They all look up to her, which is definitely a good thing. Hopefully she will inspire them to continue their education. She’s the only one so far in prep school for college, and they all need to follow in her footsteps and go. Everyone was so scared when they thought she was hurt. They all love her so much. She’s definitely another one of those motherly figures.

 

Where some of the kids came from:

This is by far the saddest part and I will probably start crying as I type it. A lot of the kids still have parents and family in the area- their parents just can’t afford to take care of them. On Sunday we went to see where Ruby and Nataly lived before they were brought to the orphanage. Here is a picture: 

They lived here with their alcoholic, drug addicted father, who still lives there. This ‘house’ which really amounts to a lean-to with a padlock on the door, is right beside a scrap yard, where we saw their dad trying to salvage parts off of cars. But as sad as it is that these two little girls had to spend part of their childhood there, it’s not the saddest story.

Cue the tears right now.

Hugy, Manuel, Ponchito, and Sarita were not brought to the orphanage. They were found. In a landfill. We’re sure that Manuel and Ponchito are brothers, and we’re sure Hugy and Sarita are sisters, we’re just not sure that they’re all 4 related. But when they were found, Hugy (who was probably no older than 10 or 11 at the time) was taking care of the other 3. When they first started living at the orphanage, Sarita addressed Hugy as Mama, and I’ve been told that sometimes she still does. They apparently have no birth certificates or papers or anything, so probably have very little chance of getting adopted.

Speaking of adopting, a family in Tennessee has been trying to adopt Mily, Raul, and Cindy for 5 years, and they haven’t gotten anywhere with them. The Mexican government is apparently not very concerned with placing its orphans, which makes me inexplicably sad.

I just want to help them, in any way I can. I’m hoping to spend more time down there next summer (more than just a week) and then spend the entire summer of 2011 there. That may mean I don’t get to go to Spain, but I’m ok with it. I would rather go to Mexico and spend time with these amazing kids than be selfish and go to Spain just because I want to.

Seeing the poverty that these kids lived in (and could still be living in) was an unbelievable experience. It really is sad when the orphans are the most well off kids in the country, other than the children of the Mafiosos or the doctor and dentist. Most people we visited had dirt floors, tin roofs and walls, and doors made of wooden planks. I’ve never been in the midst of such poverty. After delivering bags of food to people on a daily basis, never again will I look in my fully stocked pantry, refrigerator(s) and freezer(s), and claim that there is nothing to eat. I’ve met people who have nothing to eat. I have never in my life had nothing to eat. Never again will I claim I have nothing to wear. My closet and dressers are overflowing with clothes. Even in the 5 pages on Microsoft Word that this blog takes up, I haven’t even scratched the surface of everything this past week has meant to me. It has truly been incredible and I’m definitely going back.

A lot.

 

¡¡¡México!!!

In a few short days, (on Friday!) I will be going to Mexico (where I swear, I was supposed to be born haha) to work in Casa Hogar Emmanuel Orphanage for a week. I'm so excited! I know that I am supposed to go on this trip: it kind of fell into my lap. Here's a quick version of how it happened. 

One boring Monday, my mom sent me an e-mail that said this:

"Jill (the teacher who runs the classroom that she is an Instructional Aide in) was telling me today about a mission trip to Mexico that her church is taking to an orphanage. They still have a few open spots. Do you want to go? Let me know by Wednesday so I can reserve your spot."

OF COURSE I WANT TO GO! Combining my 3 favorite things (The Lord, Spanish, and kids) into 1 trip! How perfect is that!?

So, I started to process of turning in all my stuff and preparing to spend a week in Mexico. And now I'm leaving on Friday!

Anyway, I just want to ask you all to pray for these kids. According to all the people at Versailles Baptist who have been before, they're all awesome. Just pray that their hearts will be open and that we will be able to connect with them and show them about the love of Christ. A lot of these kids are in the orphanage not because their parents are dead, but because they simply can't afford to take care of them- so these kids have seen a lot of hardship and pain. If I were in their situation, I would have a pretty hard heart. Anyway, just pray that they would be receptive to us. 

Here are their names and ages, if you want to pray for them that way.

Bryan Rodriguez- 4

Sara "Sarita" Beserril- 6

Nataly Morillo- 6

Francisco "Ponchito" Beserril- 7

Manuel Beserril- 8

Jenifer Rodriguez-9

Hugy Beserril- 12

Armando Rodriguez- 12

Grecia Loredo- 12

Nelson Hernan- 13

Angel Olivarez- 14

Jose "Checo" Mollinedo

Francisco "Poncho" Hernandez- 14

Jordan Valdez- 14

Ruby Murillo- 15

Raul Gutierrez- 15

Gema "Mily" Aldaz- 16

Janeth Hernandez- 16

Paloma Loredo- 17

Christina Leto- 17

Cindy Gutierrez- 17

I'm so excited! I know that God wants to do amazing things through our team. Please pray for our safety too, as I venture in to the land of the SWINE FLU! Haha