New Blog

Hello everyone! I got a new blog for my study abroad experience! Follow that one instead of this one.

Too many thoughts

This is not my usual happy blog. Just a warning.

I realize it's been a really long time since I've blogged. There hasn't really been much going on in my life that was blog worthy. I could have been super random and just written about nothing, but I didn't want to waste your time. It wouldn't have been entertaining anyway.

But now that I'm back at school there's a lot to think about, but I have no idea how to put any of those thoughts into words. I will attempt it, but will probably not succeed.

I think it's just that things (people) are different, and whenever things change, I tend to think a lot. 1st of all, the class of 2009 is gone. I miss them. So I start to think, "Will I ever see them again?", and "If I do see them, our friendship will not be the same as it was that year we were all at school together." I just miss the way everything was last year. It was just so... fun. I know that it's only the 2nd full day of MASTER Plan, but so far I haven't had as much fun as I did last year.
2nd of all, people who I thought I had developed strong friendships with have shown themselves not to be my true friends, but acquaintance collectors. We all know these kinds of people: they're the ones who will love on you when you're around, then talk badly about you when you're not. Even if they don't talk about you, they don't really want to be around you. Until they need something: help with homework, a ride somewhere, something to borrow. I can't speak for everyone, but I have been that person most of my life; I have been 'collected' by quite a few people. I am not the person who gets a phone call or a text message to just come hang out, go shopping, or go eat with. In fact, at the end of last year I found myself asking people when fun stuff was happening, and asking them to let me know when it was. I was sadly disappointed when I woke up in the morning to hear about all the fun things that happened the night before, all of which I was clearly not wanted at. I am the one who gets the "Can you help me with my spanish homework?", "Are you driving to church tomorrow? Can you pick me up?" types of phone calls. And I nicely, and passively comply- which is why 90% of the time I feel used. Then, when the collector is done with me, I go back on the shelf until it's time for me to help again.
So to those of you who read this and know that you have collected me: I really do love you. Part of me goes ahead and helps you because I am nearly incapable of saying no to anyone, but I mostly do it because I want you to love me as much as I love you. I like being the person that people know they can rely on, but sometimes it would be nice if I knew I could rely on you too. It would be great if for once you followed up my question about how your life is going with a question about mine. Maybe I need someone to talk to as well.
Also, if you have identified yourself as a collector: Please stop. Whether you're collecting me, or someone else, please know that it's not fun. We passive folk don't really enjoy being used. And just know that I've made my final decision, and I'm through being used. It's been going on since I was in 4th grade, and I'm finished. So if you do continue to try to 'collect' me, you'll soon find me unavailable.

I think that's all.

P.S. This blog is completely un-edited. I typed what I thought immediately and left it how it was. You're not going to find much more raw feeling than what's in the above few paragraphs.

How many days?

I want to go back to Mexico. I thought I would be able to go over fall break, but that plan was foiled. Though I was given approval to go back for 3 weeks next summer.

Next summer is just so far away. I miss those kids like crazy. 

Casa Hogar Emanuel Orphanage

It’s funny.

It’s funny that looking back at my last post, seeing the names of those kids, I remember that a week ago, they meant nothing to me. They were just names attached to a picture in a booklet I was given. And now they each have their own personality: likes, dislikes, attitudes, behaviors, quirks, etc. It’s amazing to me how much emotion is now attached to those names. Now, rather than basically being like a class roster, it’s a list of kids that I love very, very much.

So, let’s try listing them again.

Bryan Rodriguez- I swear, he is one of the cutest kids I’ve ever seen. He has one of those smiles and giggles that can make your entire day better, no matter how tired, dirty, or sore you may be. Everyone always wants to play with Bryan. He is just too cute. Bryan is basically the shadow of a man who works at the orphanage (Geronimo, whose testimony I will tell later). It was so funny to watch how he acted around him. On Thursday night, the last night we were there, we were all in the orphanage watching a movie with them. Geronimo and Bryan walked in (it was WAY past Bryan’s bed time at this point: it was like, 11:00) and Geronimo was trying to get Bryan to stay in there with us. When he walked in, Bryan sat down, and he tried to back out of the room. Bryan followed him. He took a step back into the room. So did Bryan. This went on for at least 3 minutes. It was too funny!

Sara "Sarita" Beserril- Sarita is a little pistol. She is sassy, let me tell you what. The first day we got there I tried to talk to her and she literally ran away from me. And every day for the rest of the week, it was always a guessing game what kind of mood she was going to be in. She was either going to hang all over you or hate you. She was coloring with me on Sunday and she was drawing sad faces all over one of the coloring pages. When I asked her why she was sad, she looked at me and said, “You.” I was just like, “Well, alrighty then.” I soon learned that the trick was to let her come to me. If I did that, she was fine. But if I went after her, she freaked out and became a little meanie. But she too is really cute. Her voice is so precious! I loved listening to her speak Spanish. I can’t even describe it.

Nataly Morillo- Nataly is pretty much the opposite of Sarita. Nataly was ALWAYS wanting to hang all over us. She wanted us to pick her up, spin her around, “poosh” her on the swings or the merry-go-round thing. The funniest story about her (and Sarita too) is about school. In Mexico, whenever the teacher isn’t there, the kids just don’t go to school. So on Tuesday, she and Sarita decided they didn’t want to go to school, so they told Sara (who is the on-sight director of the orphanage) that they didn’t have school. Later that day, the school called wondering where they had been. They DID have school that day. Learning to skip school at the tender age of 6- wow.

Francisco "Ponchito" Beserril-This little boy… I don’t even know where to start. He is (if I had to pick one) my favorite. I’m not sure what it is about him, but we clicked immediately. For one thing, he is really sensitive. It may be annoying to some people, and some would call him a cry-baby, but this kid has been through a lot. I’ll tell his and some others’ stories at the end. I can’t think about them right now or I’ll cry… again. But Ponchito is just so kissable, huggable, lovable, and cuddly. He just loves to snuggle, which I guess to me is weird for an 8-year-old boy. I love snugglers, so I guess that may be why I love him so much. He was definitely the hardest for me to leave. On Thursday afternoon, after our last sport’s camp thing, I started to prepare him for our departure. When I told him I had to leave in the morning after they went to school, I started to cry. He looked at me and just said “¿Porque lloras?” (Why are you crying?) And I tried to explain to him that I didn’t want to leave, that I loved him a lot and it was going to be really hard for me to go. That night, after we did our hug line, I just sat there with him in my lap, trying to explain to him why I had to leave, and why I might not be back for a long time. He just kept repeating, “Tu no sales mañana.” It wasn’t a question or command, but a simple statement. “You’re not leaving tomorrow.” That just broke my heart because I had to keep saying, “Yes, I am leaving tomorrow.” We all watched 2 movies that night, and he sat in my lap through both of them, cuddled up to me with his head on my shoulder. Occasionally he would turn over on his side and wrap his arms around my neck, then around my arm and lay his head on it. It was then that I realized how much these kids just need love. Don’t get me wrong, Sara and Geronimo do a WONDERFUL job there, and the kids all love each other a lot, but they just don’t get the individual attention that they all need. Ponchito just wanted to be held, and loved. I really could adopt that little boy. I love him so much. He wrote me a little note that said, “Hola. Soy de Naco, Sonora. Te  bon a estrañar muyo. Te crero mucho. Adios, Ponchito.” It’s so cute because 90% of that is spelled wrong. It’s supposed to say, “Hola, Soy de Naco, Sonora. Te voy a extrañar mucho. Te quiero mucho. Adios, Ponchito,” which means “Hello. I am from Naco, Sonora. I am going to miss you a lot. I love you a lot. Goodbye, Ponchito.” I can’t effectively communicate how much I love this little boy and how much I’m going to miss him until I see him again next summer.

Manuel Beserril- Manuel is Ponchito’s brother. He too has some sensitivity issues, but instead of getting sad like Ponchito does, he gets angry. I didn’t really get to know Manuel very well this week, but when I did spend time with him, it was always good. I feel like kids like him sensed my motherly nature, because a lot of times whenever one of them just wanted a hug, or needed to be comforted they came to me, especially if they didn’t want to talk about it. That’s a little weird though, because I should be the one they avoid if they don’t want to talk about it, as I was the one that spoke Spanish. Manuel gave me the biggest hug in the hug line on the last night. He and Hugy (who I’ll get to momentarily) just stood there with their arms wrapped around me for like, 5 minutes. Again, these kids just need love.

Jenifer Rodriguez- Jenifer took me in on the first day. When I got there, she gave me a hug immediately, having never met me. After we were done unloading, she took my hand and led me into her room, all without saying a word, even after I asked her where we were going (in Spanish). When we got to the room, she opened up a folding chair, and instructed me to sit in it, and then she just started doing my hair. When she was done, she pulled me out into the living room and we watched Toy Story for a little while, then went outside and sat on the cornhole tables watching the other kids play basketball. We didn’t talk very much that day, but she just hung around. It was good. I felt like that was the Lord telling me to calm down, that the kids were going to like me.

Hugy Beserril- Hugy is amazing. She’s really quiet, but when she does talk, she has something important to say. Also, she’s such a mother figure, even though she’s only 12. She looks after the younger ones a lot, and just loves on them. On Monday night we were all in the chapel watching a movie, and Sarita (her little sister) was cold. So Hugy brought her to me and said “Ella tiene frío,” and put her on my lap, so I could keep her warm. I think too that Hugy was cold, but she wanted to make sure Sarita was taken care of first.

Armando Rodriguez- Armando is just hilarious. He was always the one running around, dancing, singing, etc. One day he put on a winter cap, sunglasses, and a bandana and randomly roamed around the play yard. He looked like a robber, and it was really funny. Armando also really liked to take people’s cameras and take pictures with them. He jacked mine for like an hour, and when I got it back it had no memory left on it… that was on Monday. I had to delete a bunch of the pictures to make room for more!

Grecia Loredo- Grecia plays rough. She too is really quiet, and she’s really sweet, but she is rough! On Sunday I was outside playing with her and Jenifer on the teeter-totter, and I was making it so that Jenifer’s side would actually go down, then I was just bouncing them around and everything. Well, I fell off because Grecia decided to suddenly stand up (and you know how that goes with teeter totters. So there I was, laying in the dirt, perpendicular to the teeter totter with my legs still above it. And she starts teetering again. So there I was, my legs stuck while she went up and down. I was basically exercising- and she WOULDN’T STOP. I eventually just had to fall off and backwards roll out of the way. It was crazy.

Nelson Hernan- Nelson was SO funny! On Sunday, Sarah Green fell off the merry-go-round, and scraped up her knees really bad. She was fine, and she was actually laughing, so Nelson decided to make fun of her. Every time he saw her he would just say, “Cry, cry!” because he claimed that Sarah cried when she fell off. Then by the end of the day, the word ‘cry’ had transformed into the word ‘crap’, because he forgot how to say it, and then Mily and Paloma thought that crap was actually a swear word, and he got really embarrassed and apologized over and over for calling Sarah that before I realized what was going on and sorted out the whole situation.  

Angel Olivarez- Angel was really quiet, and I didn’t get to know him that well. From what I saw and could tell though, he was a really great kid. He struggled in school with math, but he worked really hard. Last I heard he had to pass 3 tests or he got held back. I really hope he passed them! What really touched me about Angel was when I saw how much he cared for the other kids. On Wednesday, he and Cindy were joking around out in the yard, and she went to kick him, he grabbed her foot, and she fell. She was actually knocked out for a couple of minutes and we had to call the ambulance and she went to the hospital. The whole time she was gone he was so worried- I’m pretty sure I saw him crying. Obviously like any human, part of him felt guilty, but he really does care about Cindy.

Jose "Checho" Mollinedo- Checho made it his job to tell all of “Las Americanas” everybody else’s business. He made sure to tell me to tell Kelsey over and over again that Armando liked her and thought she was beautiful. When we asked him how old Armando was, Checho told us he was 10, and when we told him that Kelsey was almost 18, he just said (in Spanish), “Yea, well she looks 12 so it doesn’t really matter.” He also made it his job to convince Kelsey to switch spots on the couch so Armando would be sitting by her, and then started a big running joke that Kelsey cried every day for Armando. I just thought it was really funny. Maybe you think so too, maybe not.

Francisco "Poncho" Hernandez- Poncho is very… unique. For being as old as he is, he’s very affectionate and just likes to hang all over everyone. He also doesn’t care what anyone thinks about him. He does whatever he wants whenever he wants. He’s really sweet too. He was always making sure everyone else was alright. But he had his funny side too- he was in on all the jokes with Sarah, Kelsey, Nelson, and Armando. He made fun of us all just as much as the rest of them did.

Jordan Valdez- Much like Ponchito did with me, Jordan latched onto Sarah. Jordan really loved water balloons- he was obsessed with them. So the night before we left, Jordan filled up 2 water balloons with water, wrote ‘Jordan’ on one and ‘Sarah’ on the other, put them in a basked with suckers and a picture of him, and gave it to Sarah. I think she almost cried. She was determined too that she was going to take them on the plane. I’m not really sure how that worked out- I’m interested to hear. She said she was going to cry if security tried to take them away from her. She acted like they were her babies. Jordan also liked to call me “creída” which took me a while to figure out what it meant, because I had to look it up. It means ‘full of oneself’. I’m not sure why he called me that- but he and Armando loved to call me that, and do impressions of me walking around and flipping my hair. Maybe it’s because I’m blonde… it had to be because I looked the grungiest every day of all the people there.

Ruby Murillo- Ruby is another of the really quiet ones. She just liked to sit and watch and listen. She didn’t want to talk or really play. She just wanted to observe. She had one of the prettiest smiles though. When we made her laugh, her smile just lit up her face.

Raul Gutierrez- Raul is such a father figure. One night in particular stands out to me. The night we went to the basketball game, we didn’t take the younger kids because we knew we’d have to pay more attention to them than the girls that were playing. Manuel, Ponchito, Nataly, and Sarita were the 4 that got left behind, and they were really upset. So Raul stayed behind to hang out with them, even though his sister, Mily, was playing. He’s just a really sweet teenager.

Gema "Mily" Aldaz- Mily is stinking hilarious. She was telling us how we’re her favorite church that comes down, and she just said, “It’s funny though, because all the groups that come down want me- I’m the best.” She’s also really athletic and competitive, and whatever team she’s on wins everything. We didn’t really connect until Thursday during capture the flag, when we were on the same team. I think I had to prove to her that I was just as competitive as she is. We were both just casually walking towards the other team’s flag, hoping they wouldn’t spot us, even though we had on our team color. I finally got the flag and started running. Being the slow runner that I am though, I knew I was going to get tagged before I got to our side. I noticed 4 of the other team’s members closing in on me, and then saw Mily by my side. I threw her the flag right before the other team tackled me to the ground, she made it to our side, and we won. It was great.

Janeth Hernandez- Janeth is really sweet too. She’s a lot like Ruby- really quiet, prefers to observe, etc, but has a smile that can make your day instantly better. She is one of the few that cried when we left. She just has a huge heart. She always wants to be hugged or be close to somebody. Again, I think all of the kids do.

Paloma Loredo- This girl is GORGEOUS. She is so pretty it hurts. I can definitely see her being a model eventually. Like most of the other girls, she is really quiet and prefers to watch rather than participate, but I did learn that she absolutely LOVES Twilight- making her move up my list like, 1,000 points. She has the first book in Spanish, but none of the rest, so Sarah Green and I are going to buy her the rest of the series and send them to her. I think she’d like that very much.

Christina Leto- She’s such a sweetheart. She actually has some developmental issues and though she is 17, is probably at a mental age of a 2^nd or 3^rd grader. She doesn’t talk much at all. She just laughs. And laughs. And laughs. I love this girl, and so do all the other kids. They’re so sweet to her, and are all very helpful. They are incredibly patient and all just love her.

Cindy Gutierrez- In this picture, Cindy is on the left- the one sitting down. All of the kids idolize Cindy. She’s the oldest there, and is the only one with her own room. They all look up to her, which is definitely a good thing. Hopefully she will inspire them to continue their education. She’s the only one so far in prep school for college, and they all need to follow in her footsteps and go. Everyone was so scared when they thought she was hurt. They all love her so much. She’s definitely another one of those motherly figures.

 

Where some of the kids came from:

This is by far the saddest part and I will probably start crying as I type it. A lot of the kids still have parents and family in the area- their parents just can’t afford to take care of them. On Sunday we went to see where Ruby and Nataly lived before they were brought to the orphanage. Here is a picture: 

They lived here with their alcoholic, drug addicted father, who still lives there. This ‘house’ which really amounts to a lean-to with a padlock on the door, is right beside a scrap yard, where we saw their dad trying to salvage parts off of cars. But as sad as it is that these two little girls had to spend part of their childhood there, it’s not the saddest story.

Cue the tears right now.

Hugy, Manuel, Ponchito, and Sarita were not brought to the orphanage. They were found. In a landfill. We’re sure that Manuel and Ponchito are brothers, and we’re sure Hugy and Sarita are sisters, we’re just not sure that they’re all 4 related. But when they were found, Hugy (who was probably no older than 10 or 11 at the time) was taking care of the other 3. When they first started living at the orphanage, Sarita addressed Hugy as Mama, and I’ve been told that sometimes she still does. They apparently have no birth certificates or papers or anything, so probably have very little chance of getting adopted.

Speaking of adopting, a family in Tennessee has been trying to adopt Mily, Raul, and Cindy for 5 years, and they haven’t gotten anywhere with them. The Mexican government is apparently not very concerned with placing its orphans, which makes me inexplicably sad.

I just want to help them, in any way I can. I’m hoping to spend more time down there next summer (more than just a week) and then spend the entire summer of 2011 there. That may mean I don’t get to go to Spain, but I’m ok with it. I would rather go to Mexico and spend time with these amazing kids than be selfish and go to Spain just because I want to.

Seeing the poverty that these kids lived in (and could still be living in) was an unbelievable experience. It really is sad when the orphans are the most well off kids in the country, other than the children of the Mafiosos or the doctor and dentist. Most people we visited had dirt floors, tin roofs and walls, and doors made of wooden planks. I’ve never been in the midst of such poverty. After delivering bags of food to people on a daily basis, never again will I look in my fully stocked pantry, refrigerator(s) and freezer(s), and claim that there is nothing to eat. I’ve met people who have nothing to eat. I have never in my life had nothing to eat. Never again will I claim I have nothing to wear. My closet and dressers are overflowing with clothes. Even in the 5 pages on Microsoft Word that this blog takes up, I haven’t even scratched the surface of everything this past week has meant to me. It has truly been incredible and I’m definitely going back.

A lot.

 

¡¡¡México!!!

In a few short days, (on Friday!) I will be going to Mexico (where I swear, I was supposed to be born haha) to work in Casa Hogar Emmanuel Orphanage for a week. I'm so excited! I know that I am supposed to go on this trip: it kind of fell into my lap. Here's a quick version of how it happened. 

One boring Monday, my mom sent me an e-mail that said this:

"Jill (the teacher who runs the classroom that she is an Instructional Aide in) was telling me today about a mission trip to Mexico that her church is taking to an orphanage. They still have a few open spots. Do you want to go? Let me know by Wednesday so I can reserve your spot."

OF COURSE I WANT TO GO! Combining my 3 favorite things (The Lord, Spanish, and kids) into 1 trip! How perfect is that!?

So, I started to process of turning in all my stuff and preparing to spend a week in Mexico. And now I'm leaving on Friday!

Anyway, I just want to ask you all to pray for these kids. According to all the people at Versailles Baptist who have been before, they're all awesome. Just pray that their hearts will be open and that we will be able to connect with them and show them about the love of Christ. A lot of these kids are in the orphanage not because their parents are dead, but because they simply can't afford to take care of them- so these kids have seen a lot of hardship and pain. If I were in their situation, I would have a pretty hard heart. Anyway, just pray that they would be receptive to us. 

Here are their names and ages, if you want to pray for them that way.

Bryan Rodriguez- 4

Sara "Sarita" Beserril- 6

Nataly Morillo- 6

Francisco "Ponchito" Beserril- 7

Manuel Beserril- 8

Jenifer Rodriguez-9

Hugy Beserril- 12

Armando Rodriguez- 12

Grecia Loredo- 12

Nelson Hernan- 13

Angel Olivarez- 14

Jose "Checo" Mollinedo

Francisco "Poncho" Hernandez- 14

Jordan Valdez- 14

Ruby Murillo- 15

Raul Gutierrez- 15

Gema "Mily" Aldaz- 16

Janeth Hernandez- 16

Paloma Loredo- 17

Christina Leto- 17

Cindy Gutierrez- 17

I'm so excited! I know that God wants to do amazing things through our team. Please pray for our safety too, as I venture in to the land of the SWINE FLU! Haha

My life is average

Today, I discovered MyLifeIsAverage.com. It's a spinoff of FML, and stinking hilarious. I thought I would share some of my favorites with you.

1. Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. But it was ok since I knew I'm adopted. MLIA

2. Today my wife of 10 years left me. She came back after grocery shopping. She also got gas. MLIA

3. Today, I asked a pregnant-looking woman if she was pregnant. She was. MLIA.

4. Today, I had to choose between a strawberry flavored Dum Dum and a mystery flavored Dum Dum. I decided to be adventurous and choose the mystery flavor; it was strawberry flavored. MLIA

5. Today, I decided to tan on the balcony. I took my top off and my neighbor came out and saw me. He's a guy. So am I. We greeted each other. MLIA.

6. Today, no one wished me a happy birthday. I wasn't suprised, today isn't my birthday. MLIA.

7. Today, I was texting my friend. I accidentally sent it to the wrong person. It was not a revealing or embarrassing message. Everything is all right. MLIA

8. Today, I wore Axe body spray. I wasn't tackled by any women. MLIA.

9. Today, I accidentally knocked over a bottle of water near my computer. It was okay though. The cap was on. MLIA.

10. Today I got my hair cut at Great Clips and when they called out the name "Ryan" I saw that Ryan was deep in conversation so I pretended to be him. MLIA.

Oh, Trixie

Bear with me: this does have a point other than telling you about Trixie’s issues.

For those of you who don’t know, Trixie is my laptop. A few weeks ago, I went to put her to bed for the night, and noticed she had some updates she wanted to install, so I shut her down and let her install them. When I woke up the next morning (at 4:45) to register for classes, she refused to let me connect to the internet. No matter how hard I tried, she wouldn’t let me on. She told me I was connected, but wouldn’t let me browse anything.
So, I went for two weeks without the internet, waiting for my cousin Thatch to look at her. He spent a day trying to figure out what was wrong, pinging different things and running IP Configs all over the place (whatever all that means), and he still couldn’t diagnose her. So, being the curious girl that I am, I wondered what would happen if I restored her to her factory settings. In preparation for running a total restore, I spent a good hour backing up all of my files to my external hard drive, and began exploring my options. I soon discovered that I could restore to a certain point, and one of the points listed was the night before she installed her wacked out updates. So, crossing my fingers, I restored her to how she was that night. When she came back on, her internet worked!
So, I promptly got on Facebook and announced my success to the world! Trixie was cured, and at my hands! I didn’t have to take her to IT or call Dell; I fixed her! When I went to put her to sleep again for the night, I saw the little icon that means she wants to install updates, but I didn’t shut her down this time. I was not going to let her re-install the updates that made her sick. I woke up the next morning, got on the internet, still elated that I no longer had to walk to MMTH to get on Facebook. I went through my day telling everyone my good news- that Trixie was finally cured! That night, the update icon was still there, and I did the same thing- refused to shut her down. I was sure I had figured out how to keep her healthy: don’t let her install the updates. I just had to never shut her down. Simple, right?
I thought so- until I woke up the next morning. I went to get on the internet and check my e-mail before class, and what do I see when I open Internet Explorer? The 6 words that I currently hate the most…

“Internet Explorer cannot display this webpage.”

No. Please no. Not again.
So I minimized the browser, and looked at my internet connection. As my eyes got to the bottom of the screen, a tiny little bubble popped up and said, “Your computer has been restarted and updates have been installed. Click here to view which updates were installed.”
I flipped out. I was so mad! I did not tell her to shut down! I thought I specifically told her not to! Needless to say, I’m very upset with Trixie right now, and I’m in MMTH typing this, because Mack took her home to call Dell. According to them, it’s a software issue, and she has to be totally restored.
And here comes the point of this blog- I promised there was one. I started thinking about how Trixie made herself sick, and how I restored her and told her not to shut down again, because that’s what messed her up in the first place, and then she went and did it anyway. Then I realized that as humans, we act like this on a daily basis. We screw up our lives, the Lord restores us, reveals to us what the problem was, and yet we go and do the same thing again and again and again- knowing we’re going to receive the same consequences. I’m just glad the Lord doesn’t treat us like I treated Trixie- I gave up on her and shipped her off with Mack, refusing to restore her every two days. Think about what would happen if God refused to fix us every time we messed up- we would be in an extremely sad situation. We would be living lives empty of hope and purpose.

Praise Jesus that He loves us enough to consistently fix our mistakes and clean up after us! I’m so thankful for that!

Dang it, why do I get so attached?

It's true. I attach to people- very quickly. It's one of those things that I've always done. My mom even tells me I did it as a kid with stuff that I liked. When I like something, I like it with all my heart for a long time- for this reason my parents had to buy me a 2nd Pocahontas tape (I watched the first one so many times I broke it). I don't know why, I just get really attached to people and things.
Because of this, high school was kind of hard for me. I had 4 volleyball coaches in 5 years, 3 band directors in 3 years, and 4 youth ministers in 2 years. It gets hard to trust people when they straight up promise to be there for more than a year and then time and time again they bail out on that promise. But even after all this I never stopped getting attached to people.
Even when I know they'll only be around for a year. I have met so many amazing people (and grown closer to many that I already knew) that are graduating in 17 days, then taking off to start the next chapter of their lives. And I am stinking attached to them. I do not want them to leave. If it would keep them here, I would go continue going to the same classes without a summer break forever. Sitting here at work writing this I'm about to cry just thinking about it, especially because Rascal Flatt's "Here comes goodbye" is playing behind me.
Goodbye doesn't need to come here. I don't want goodbye. I do not like goodbyes- life would be so much better if we never had to say goodbye to anyone.

So to the Western seniors that are reading this, I have these things to say: (Dang it, with that line I started crying).
1. I love you all.
2. I will cry at your sendoff, your graduation, and whenever I feel like it will be the last time I'll see you.
3. Please don't forget about us. My 2nd youth minister out of my 4 has completely ignored all of us from the church for the past year. If you do that- I will hunt you down.

Little things add up

All the things that happened to me yesterday that I was completely not expecting:

1. I woke up at 4:45 to register and my internet was broken (and still is).
2. I decided to stay awake to study, but decided to run instead. So in the hopes of having a wonderful morning, I decided to run with the sunrise. The sun never really rose- because it was raining. I ran anyway.
3. I really wanted a fruit and yogurt parfait from McDonalds. They didn't have any.
4. I went to Wal-Mart to some stuff to make my own fruit and yogurt parfait. I walked to the door that they keep locked at odd hours, and had to walk to the other end. In the rain.
5. I really wanted raspberries. They didn't have any.
6. When I got all the rest of the stuff and went to check out, I touched the U-Scan screen and it froze.
7. When it finally unfroze, it refused to scan my granola.
8. I later went to Starbucks and drove past the entrance because there were cones in the way and they confused me.
9. After coming back to my room to shower and study, I got on the elevator and forgot to press 1- so I went up to the 10th floor before going down to the 1st.
10. As I was showing my brother the large tub of yogurt I bought, I got some on my hand. Not realizing this, I then pushed back some hairs that were in my face. So, I had yogurt in my hair.

1-9 all happened BEFORE 8:30 in the morning. Never again will I wake up that early. There is apparently a reason that I never do.

Little Things

Little things I love about spring:

1. The color of the grass
2. The smell of the breeze blowing through cherry trees
3. The feel of the sun on my face
4. The sound of the birds singing
5. The colors that spontaneously appear everywhere
6. Redbud trees
7. Naps with the window open… or outside.
8. Baseball
9. Eating outside
10. How the sky is somehow bluer than any other time of year
11. The immediate spike in activity on campus
12. Driving with the windows down
13. Puddles after a good, hard, warm rain
14. Doing homework/ reading outside
15. Playing sand volleyball again
16. Daffodils and tulips
17. The summer constellations coming back
18. Easter
19. Sundresses appearing in stores
20. Flip-flops

By the way- winter used to be my favorite season.
Winter- you're out.
Spring- welcome!

A barefooted stroll down a muddy memory lane

First, I want to start by thanking the Lord for the absolutely incredible weather we've had lately (starting Thursday and ending Sunday afternoon). It has been so refreshing to walk outside and feel the sun's rays beating down on me. I absolutely love it.
Second, sorry- this is going to be long.
So I guess the whole memory lane thing started on Thursday evening as I was cleaning my dorm room a little. While I was reorganizing my drawers, I came across a VHS labeled Huntertown Video, 2001. So, out of curiosity I put it back into my VCR, and what started playing? The video montage they played at my 6th grade graduation. 6th GRADE!! So then I started thinking about how long ago that was, how much has changed since then, etc.

I then took a break from my walk down memory lane and went home.

This weekend was so relaxing and spiritually restful. It was so nice to go home and know that all I had to do was spend time with my family. I love quality family time, even if it's just sitting in the same room watching House- everything is a reminder of how God has blessed me in a multitude of ways- especially with an amazing family. We pick on eachother a lot, but there is so much love in that house- it's completely indescribable.

And besides that- how much better can a weekend get when it starts with dinner at the Pueb?

Sunday afternoon after church we just spent the day outside. Mack and Dad threw a baseball in the street, Mom went on a walk, then she and I laid out on the back deck, all 4 of us played Cornhole (during which they mocked me mercilessly), and Dad and I washed and waxed Jasper (my car). It was a very relaxing (yet productive) day. Once Jasper was all clean and ready for the trip back to BGKY, I decided to take him out for a little drive around Versailles. Since my dog likes car trips so much, I took her with me.
Well- we didn't really make it very far before I stopped the car and got out. (By the way- my decision to go for a drive was so spur of the moment, I wasn't wearing shoes...) Jasper, Oreo, and I made it about a half mile from my house- over to my old elementary school. They had done a lot of work on it over the summer and I still hadn't seen it, so I went over there. I got out of the car, and immediately the memories started coming back. I remembered how the bus circle USED to look- especially on career day. Each year there would be firemen with their trucks out there, the army had a jeep with the big inflatable army guy we beat up on every year, an ambulance that we could go in and see all the monitors and such, a police car that we got to turn the sirens on and off in, and a helicopter that would lift off from a field right before school let out.
Just around the corner of the new gym was the place that held the most memories by far... the playground. How many of you can say that very many of your important memories from elementary school happened outside of the playground? There were the swings from which we belted so many songs (swingin' and singin'), the monkey bars I could never get up on, the spiderweb that I hung upside down from for eternites, the jungle-gym type thing with slides that we played our Titanic game on (I was always Rose and my crush was Jack, oh happy day), and then of course there was the field that had so many purposes (soccer, baseball, football, and kickball) all of which our class was eventually banned from playing. Then there were all the doors leading outside- the door from Room 2- my kindergarden room: Mrs. Carey's K/1 class. The door outside Mrs. Kilgallin's (now Hogue's) room- the woman who singlehandedly made sure I was challenged academically. So I sat on a swing (and considered bursting into song) while I watched my dog run across the fields. As I was looking around, I saw a path going through the trees and was immediately reminded of the other side of elementary school- the times when not everyone was equal: The Clubhouses.
These clubhouses were reserved for the 'popular' kids (looking back it was mostly for the kids who stayed after school for ETC). Other kids weren't allowed back there- invitation only. In my 6 years at Huntertown, I never walked back there. I had no idea what was so special about the clubhouses, but I wanted to be a part of it so badly- I wanted in on the secret. So, my 18-year-old barefooted self walked across a mulchy, rocky, field of prickly bushes to get to that mysterious, muddy path.
When I got there, I looked around, disappointed. This is it? This is what I wanted to be a part of? Some bent sticks? That's all it was. Some bushes and trees with overhanging branches that they sat under and chatted until the recess whistles blew. Not a single ray of sun could pass through the trees above and the bushes too- it was shady, dark, and kind of scary, actually. I knew they never ventured beyond those brambles as kids, they never followed the path around the bend. So, my bare feet and I started squelching through the mud- through the opening in the trees, until I had to stop. I was absoultely dumbfounded by what I saw.

It was beautiful- God spread his creation out infront of me like a painting. Spring is full-force back in Versailles. The sun was shining down on the bluegrass (yes- some of the grass was indeed so green it appeared blue) all the trees were budding, bees were buzzing around the wildflowers, and the tall grass was swaying in the breeze. And I thought to myself, "Why in the world didn't they come back here? It's only like, 20 more feet. I'm pretty sure they weren't actually allowed to even be in the bushes back here at all, so why not make it worth it?"
They just stopped at what they thought looked cool, sheltered them, gave them a place to hang out. If they had kept going, however, they would have discovered a place even more beautiful, even more peaceful and secluded.

Then I wondered- is this how we treat life- content to settle for what the world offers? It sure does seem cool, or seem good to us at the time. So we stop searching; we never go beyond what we're given. If we did however, we would enter into the astoundingly beautiful life that God wants to give us.

Consider the following:
Which would you choose for your clubhouse: the brambly bushes or the field of wildflowers?
Which have you chosen for your life: the trappings of this world or the life God wants for you?

So, these were the revelations brought to me by my barefooted stroll down a muddy memory lane.

Just What I've Been Up To

So, this blog is not going to have a deep meaning. It will just be meant to inform people elsewhere what I've been doing for the past 4 weeks, because I obviously haven't been blogging.

Honestly, my memory stinks. So I basically don't know what I've been doing the past 4 weeks. Class. Homework. Writing papers. Working out. Having the flu. Hanging out. Painting my room (or watching my dad paint my room because I had the flu).

But I DO remember this past weekend, because it was so fantastic! We went to Wildhorse, and it was fabulous. The first time I went, it was wonderful as well, but the crowd that night was a little older. When we got there this past time, however, they took our IDs because we got there after 7, and when they took my ID I was number 22. So there were 21 other people under 21 there. Later on in the evening, when we were showing off our mad line-dancing skills, I noticed that one guy there had 150 something on his hand. So there were 150 something people under 21. It was incredible, and so much fun. The dances Skyla taught us were really fun, and of course it's really fun to teach other people the dances too.

Then Saturday (after lunch at Buckhead (where I could seriously eat EVERY DAY) with some wonderful girls from home) I spent all day at the mall with some amazing people, got my ears double-pierced, spent more money than I should have, and realized that my life has been incomplete without Hunter Stevens in it. That girl is fantastic, and I don't know how I lived 18 years without her. :) Then of course was the Western game (heart breaker, I know, but I still love my Tops and am SO proud of them!), and then out to the farm we went!
The ride out there was enough to put you in a good mood- jammin all the way out in Sara Clifton's car- acting like fools... you know how it is. Then watching some really strange people jump in a pond in March, when it's about 40 degrees outside... pure entertainment.

And the stars that night were simply gorgeous. I haven't seen stars that bright and clear in a long time. It was incredible.


So yea. That's basically it. I just decided I should blog since it's been 4 weeks since I've written anything.

Dance with God

This has truly been an incredible end to a sucktastic week. For completely illegitimate reasons, Tuesday and Wednesday were the worst days I've had in a long time. Tuesday started out great, I was in a good mood, life was happy, and then the night rapidly declined, and I went to bed angry and upset. Wednesday I found myself taking out my anger, frustration, and hurt feelings on nearly everyone I came in contact with. I sulked around campus listening to depressing songs that only reinforced my feelings of loneliness and despair. I successfully cut myself off from those who wanted to help me, refused to talk about it, and spent the day in total self-pity.
Thursday came around, and I was feeling a little better, not a lot- but enough to make it through the day without appearing to hate everyone I spoke to. I went through the usual Thursday routine- work, $ Lunch, work, run, shower, homework, etc. At this point, I was debating going to Women's night, because I still wasn't really in the mood to be peppy and be around people. I'm sure it seemed like I was alright, because I do really well at hiding my emotions from people, but I was still kinda upset. But I ended up going and I'm really glad I did.
We (and by 'we' I mean Jamie) talked about making a game plan for this semester, and how we can't expect to successfully fight off the devil and temptation without one. There were several categories in which we should make a plan, including in friendships, your spiritual walk, healthy habits, and time management- but the one that stuck out to me was relationships (which makes sense as that category was the reason for my anger the day before). Jamie gave us a couple of verses to consider when thinking about relationships we may or may not want to pursue (one being the ever-famous "Do not be unequally yoked..." verse) but she threw in another one as well, one that I had never heard used in that context before.

Matthew 6:31-34
So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

She basically talked about how we shouldn't worry about relationships; which is an incredibly difficult concept for me to grasp- because I am a total worrier. I worry about EVERYTHING. Even though I tell myself "I know God has that one man for me," I still tack on at the end, "I have to go find him now."
Not a good plan. Not at all.
When I have days like I had Wednesday, it’s because I have either a) decided I've found the one and he doesn't reciprocate, or b) decided that he's either not out there or I won't ever find him. Basically for any of you who were wondering, that's the reader’s digest version of what was going on with me. I had convinced myself (again) that I was going to be alone forever and that, in the words of the Taylor Swift song I listened to all day, “I’m not a princess, this aint a fairy tale, I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell…”

But God says otherwise. He tells me that I am a princess. I just can’t make myself realize just how important it is that I trust Him. I tell myself this over and over again- that the Lord will provide. I don’t believe that He has called me to be single forever, as He has given me such an intense desire (since I was about 12) to get married and have a family. But I can’t make my head convey that knowledge to my emotions (the ones that go insane on a daily basis). I go from an ultimate high when I get the slightest scrap of attention from a guy that I’m interested in, then straight to rock bottom the second he does or says something that indicates his feelings aren’t as strong as mine. Then I go through the day depressed and convinced that I am for whatever reason too flawed to ever get married.
This is a lie. And I know it. I know this is the devil doing nothing more than taking advantage of my biggest fear. Women’s night helped me realize that it’s not my job to worry about it- I don’t have to worry about who I am going to marry. That could be years from now, and today has enough issues of its own anyway.
What I should be doing is seeking God with everything I have. I should be running after Him with everything I have, and He will provide for my needs.

Now, the sign that Becca Todd has in her room:

Dance with God and He will let the perfect man cut in.

The bottom line is that I am God’s. He has the ultimate say in who is involved in my life, and He has control over it. I may think I know what is best, and I may think I know what I want, but I’m pretty sure He laughs at how little I know compared to how much I think I know. He must find me rather comical sometimes.

But anyway, I think tonight may be the end of my worrying over this. I already feel about 1000 times better (writing out my thoughts always helps). Now all I have to do is remember that God is the one leading the dance, and He will let someone cut in for a short while before He takes me back forever.

Isn’t that an amazing metaphor?

Psalm 139

What an incredible passage. I still find myself in awestruck wonder thinking about the enormity of our Lord. He knows all. He commands all. He controls all. Wow.
I was rereading it in Spanish after church today and some parts just struck me as even more beautiful and incredible after being translated back into English. I'll show you what I mean.

Psalm 139:6
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

Salmos 139:6
Conocimiento tan maravilloso rebasa mi comprensión;
tan sublime es que no puedo entenderlo.

There are 3 things about this verse in Spanish that stick out to me the most, the first being the word "conocimiento." If you know much about spanish, then you'll know there are two verbs used for "to know": Saber and Conocer. Saber is used when you want to demonstrate that you know facts or know how to do something. But conocer is used when you want to say you know a person- you are familiar with them. God knows us as more than just facts, as more than just a combination of proteins and cells. He knows us at a personal level, despite knowing everything about us. Despite knowing how we fail Him on a daily basis, and how our thoughts so often fail to align with His, and how we feel the need to take control and put Him in the backseat, He still loves us and still wants to know us on a personal, deep, intimate level.

The second is the word "maravilloso". In English the word used is 'wonderful' but 'maravilloso' also means marvelous, which to me carries a much stronger connotation than wonderful. The dictionary definition is 'such as to cause wonder, amazement, and astonishment.' God's amount of knowledge should never cease to astonish us. It baffles me when I try to think about just how much He does know. Our human minds can't wrap themselves around the infinite knowledge of God.

The third is the word 'sublime' which is a complete cognate and means 'sublime' in English. I wasn't exactly sure what the definition of sublime was, so I looked it up. I knew the general concept, but never expected to find a definition this potent:
Sublime- impressing the mind with a sense of grandeur or power; inspiring awe, veneration, etc.
Think about some of those words used. So full of grandeur and power, so awe inspiring, so venerating: we can't understand it.

Translated back to English from Spanish, the verse reads this way:

Knowledge so marvelous it exceeds and surpasses my understanding;
so sublime (full of grandeur and power, awe-inspiring, and venerating) that I am not able to understand it.

I LOVE the way verses can become so powerful when taken back from Spanish.

Timing is Everything

I've been thinking a lot lately- mostly about how if I had followed the path I started out on as a kindergarten student, then a middle and high-schooler, I would not be where I am now. If I had followed my plans, there's not a way in the world I would be in Bowling Green. I would be in 1 of 2 places: Woodford County, or Rome, GA.
As I think about this, I can't help but know there is a specific reason why I am supposed to be a Spanish and French major at Western from 2008-2012.

1. I should have entered college in 2009.
2. I NEVER planned on that college being Western. Actually, I swore it wouldn't be.
3. I never should have been able to go on to AP Spanish and fall in love with the language the way I did.

First- number 1.
For any of you who don't know- I skipped a grade. I missed the cut off to start school in 1995 by almost 3 months. Lucky for me, my elementary school's primary program consisted of split classes. So, my first and second years of school in a K/1st class. Then my 3rd year I moved into Jackie Hogue's (then Kilgallin's) 2nd/3rd split class. Again, coincidentally, Jackie was my neighbor, went to my church, and knew me and my family really well. She noticed that the 2nd grade work was too easy for me (mostly because I would be done in about 2 minutes then be at her desk bugging her.) So, she started letting me hang out with the 3rd graders and do their work instead. Meanwhile, she fought to make the school district let me take the CTBS test. And they did. When my test results came back, they really had no choice but let me go on to 4th grade.
But going from 2nd to 4th grade could be a huge social issue. Again- lucky for me, nearly ALL of my friends were a year older than me. Meghan Mulvaney (my BFF, Jill) was a year ahead, and Caitlyn Boyd (who I met that summer) was as well. So not only was I prepared academically for the transition, but also for the social. Hence, I graduated in 2008 rather than 2009.

2. Oh, Western. Around April of my senior year, I was still super bitter about going to Western. I didn't want to go to Western. I wanted to go to Berry. This is a dorm at Berry College:
Why would anyone not want to live in a castle for 4 years? I went down there three times. Once with my mom and aunt, once with mom and dad just for a visit, and once for the defining day in the rest of my future: The Presidential Scholarship Competition.
See... there's this thing at Berry... they call it tuition. It's sort of upwards of $30,000 a year. I knew that the only way Berry could become a reality is if I were to win the Presidential Scholarship: full tuition. So, in February, I competed. In late March, early April, I found out that I wasn't one of the 5 to get the scholarship. I got the next one down. Not enough. So, I traded in my navy blue and silver for red, black, and white. I was a Hilltopper. Whether I wanted to be or not.

Disclaimer: By the end of the summer, if someone had walked up to me and said "We will pay you 10 million dollars to go to Berry, pack your stuff and let's go!" I would have said "You can take your crappy money and go back to Georgia 'cause I'm a HILLTOPPER NOW!"

3. Spanish: LOVE OF MY LIFE.
I didn't start spanish until my junior year (because I didn't think I would like it or be good at it) and going through the whole program at WCHS required 5 semesters. I only had 4. The highest level I would be able to get to would be Spanish III, and I would only be able to do that if I quit band- something I didn't want to do (at that point in the game, at least).
Yes, I was in band in high school. I was actually field commander my Junior year. Turns out I ended up hating every minute of my life when I was stuck inside that room, and decided to quit at the end of the year. Hallelujah, praise Jesus! That's the best decision I ever made.
So, now I have 2 extra blocks to take other classes my senior year. So I'm thinking to myself, ok- I'll take Spanish III and just get as much spanish in as possible. Then, my mom suggests that I talk to my teacher and see if there is any way I can skip Spanish II, and go on to III.
Wow. Talk about timing being everything. It just so happened that they were changing the cirriculum around so that they were going to teach everything in II that you normally learned in III. And since it was in the middle of the transition, the kids who were going to be in III that following semester were at about the same level of Spanish I was.
So, I went on to take (and dominate, if I do say so myself) AP Spanish, and now I am a Spanish major.

So, as you can see, TONS of things had to change to get me to be a Spanish major at Western in 2008. I can't help but think that God, in His infinite wisdom and power, has some reason that I am supposed to be here this year; today; right now. I feel like there is something I'm supposed to do here that could only happen this year. Maybe there is someone that is going to have a huge impact on my life that I could have only met in 2008. I don't know.
Basically, when I say "Luckily", "Fortunately", or "Coincidentally", what I mean is "Then God decided that...." Nothing was by luck, fortune, or coincidence. It is all in the His will that surpasses anything I could ever dream of or ever hope to know.


But what I do know is that for some reason, while it still may be unknown to me, God really wants me here this year.

Please close the flood gates!

Well, I’m at work right now, and there are quite a few things I should be doing, rather than writing this blog, but alas- here we are.
Even as I sit here writing this, realizing what I’m doing and how it’s affecting me, I’m still doing it. I am worrying, anticipating, analyzing, not trusting. Everything I know I shouldn’t be doing I have been doing so for a few weeks now. Especially analyzing (what I do best in my opinion). It has, however, become especially bad in the past few days. I have been analyzing everything people say to me, every look I get, every action or lack thereof. All the analyzing has sent my mind into overdrive and I can’t seem to get it back under control. There has been an unending flood of thought flying through my head since late Saturday night. It caused me to run outside on Sunday.


I hate running. Especially outside.


I don’t like analyzing everything. I don’t want to worry about stuff, but it seems lately that I have no control over it. I spent nearly every moment I was awake on Sunday thinking about the situation I found myself in. I don’t like it. I feel like I’m obsessed, and there is nothing I should be obsessed with other than God. He is the only one that deserves as much attention as I am giving this situation right now. And the sucky thing is, is that if I were trusting in Him as I should be, I would be able to give Him this attention, rather than expending all my energy on the issues in my life. I guess it would just be great if anyone who reads this could pray that I would turn the situation over to God and that He would take the weight of it off my shoulders. I don’t want it anymore.

The Inspiration for the New Title

Yes, this is my second blog today.

I was just cleaning my room, and found a book that I had been doing a Bible study in before the break, but I forgot it and left it here, so I couldn't continue over the six weeks I was home. It's a Beth Moore (love her) study called Believing God. I opened it up and was flipping through, and realized I have not been doing so lately... believing Him, I mean. And I started to think about why I hadn't. I didn't really have to think long.
I have not been in the Word enough. As a matter of fact, I have not been in it at all outside of church. I epically fail at immersing myself in what I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, is the Living Word of God, and I really don't know why. What I do know, is that not knowing what He reveals to me through His Word makes it completely impossible to believe Him. After all, how do you believe someone you don't know?
I have been unintentionally putting distance between myself and God for quite some time now. My prayer life has been slacking, and like I said, my daily time in study has been non-existent. For years, people have hammered it into me that "You need to be in the Word every day. You must continue seeking after God with all your heart on a daily basis." And now I know why. Because the first leads to the second. I have not been able to seek Him with all my heart because I have not been in the Word. Because I have not been in the Word, my mind has been all over the place, as has my heart. Immersed in the crazy mixed up emotions of this world, I think I fell into a state of anxiety over the break. I don't want to say 'depression' because I honestly don't think I was depressed. I was angry, anxious, self-pitying: all the emotions that Satan can throw at a teenage girl. I was angry at my friends for not giving me the attention that Satan said they owed me, I was anxious over starting back to school- not knowing how I was going to feel based on the fact that the Evil one was telling me I didn't have any friends anymore, and self-pitying because I believed him. I believed Satan continually telling me that I was alone, that I was unwanted, that I was obsolete.
Then, I found the cure for that feeling in the strangest place.

I was watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix the night before classes started, and I found something that Luna Lovegood said very inspiring..
Luna was telling Harry that she believed him about Voldemort returning, and Harry said he appreciated that, and that he thought she was about the only one who believed him. Luna proceeded to tell Harry that she didn't think that was true, and that she supposed Voldemort wanted him to feel that way. When Harry confusedly asked her what she meant, she said, "Well, if I were You-Know-Who, I'd want you to feel cut off from everyone else. Because if it's just you alone you're not as much of a threat."
I suddenly realized that Voldemort parallelled Satan in that his whole purpose is to keep us from being a threat to him. And he was making me less of a threat, pulling me away from my savior, by making me feel alone.

(I promise this is getting to the title "Pensamientos")
I started thinking about what I knew, and I found a bookmark from my Bible study that has 5 basic truths on it.
1. God is who He says He is.
2. God can do what He says He can do.
3. I am who God says I am.
4. I can do all things through Christ.
5. God's Word is alive and active in me.

Number 5 hit me specifically when I realized that whether I have been making an effort or not, God's Word has "hidden itself in my heart." It is still doing work in me. And here we get to the title. When I read number 5, all the verses that I had memorized came to the forefront of my mind, proving to me that I am never as far from God as it seems. And my favorite verse, the only one I have so far memorized in Spanish, came to me.

Porque yo sé los pensamientos que tengo acerca de vosotros, dice Jehová, pensamientos de paz, y no de mal, para daros el fin que esperáis.
-Jeremías 29:11

Why the word 'pensamientos' then for the title? Because I found it interesting the way it is used in this verse. In English, the word is "plans." But in Spanish, 'pensamientos' means thoughts. So the verse, literally translated from Spanish to English reads:
"Because I know the thoughts I have around you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, in order to give you the end you hope for."
God not only has plans for each of us, but He is in the active process of thinking about us. Does that make sense? He didn't just sit down one day and draw up some plans for each of our lives, blueprints that he then rolled up and put into storage. He thinks about us every day.
Therefor, if He, the Almight Creator, Author and Perfector of all, can think about everyone on a daily basis, I should also have my "pensamientos" centered around Him.

So, there. Pensamientos.
Muy bien.

Snowy Days

I used to always think I wanted to move up North and get a job after college, because I absolutely love the snow. But these last few days have made me realize that when there is snow on the ground, I want everything cancelled so I can stay at home and enjoy my snow from inside.
Unfortunately, up north they are prepared for the snow, and it would take a few FEET of the white stuff to close anything. And that would not make me happy.
I'm ok with Western not cancelling classes the past couple of days, it just would have been really nice if they had at least made an effort to salt or shovel main walkways and stairs. Once a few thousand people start walking on snow, it starts to compress and turn to ice. And Sperry's don't have good traction, as I learned yesterday morning on my way to TCNW.
But all the same, the snow was still beautiful, and I still love it.

Starting a New Semester

Wow.
2nd semester is going to be... interesting, to say the least.
My biology class is going to be easier than crap. We have 3 chances to take each test we have.
Really? That still qualifies as a test?
Educational Psych I think will be hard and demanding, but still lots of fun! I'm really interested in the topics we're going to study. I've even already read the first chapter of my textbook. Crazy, huh?
French is going to be, well... French. Already I am again the only one who answers any questions. Which I must say is sort of annoying.
Oh, Spanish.
For the first time ever, I am scared of my spanish class. It has taken me 45 minutes to read 5 pages. Today in class I had no idea what Dr. Stewart was talking about. Like, I understood the meaning of the words she was saying, but didn't have a clue what she was talking about. It was like being an algebra student in calculus 2. I understood the language, not the concepts. This should be very interesting.
All of this is topped off nicely by the fact that all of these classes are spread out over the entire campus. I start off at 9:10 in Thompson North, then at 10:20 I'm in Tate-Page, then 11:30 back up to FAC, then to work in the AC at 12:45, then back up to FAC at 3.
I walk all the way up the hill once, and half-way up twice.
Boo.

A Day for the History Books

Today, I watched as the first African-American was sworn in as the President of the United States. It really was an incredible experience. The last estimate I heard was that over 2 million people attended the ceremony, and that 3/4 of the country was watching it on a TV somewhere.
No, I did not vote for President Obama; I actually did not vote for anyone, as I was not 18 when November 4th arrived. Since I knew I wouldn't be able to vote, I didn't follow the election closely at all. I didn't watch any debates, and I tuned out people that started talking about the candidates. I don't know if I would have voted for President Obama or not. All I know is that watching the ceremony on TV was… moving to say the least. I was watching CNN and they showed different shots of people all over the country, standing and sitting, crowded into conference rooms and street corners, watching history being made. From Memphis, to Harlem, to San Diego, people all over the country stopped what they were doing to look in awe at how far our country has come over the past 60 years. I was brought nearly to tears when I saw all of the diversity in the faces that CNN showed. First, an older white man, then a young Latino mother, a middle-aged Asian man, a family of middle -eastern descent, an African-American college student: all United States citizens, all equal, all free. Man, to think about the distance we've covered as a people.
Only 54 years ago, Rosa Parks was arrested for refusing to give up her seat on the bus to a white man. And today, the whole world watched as Mr. Bush peacefully gave up his seat at the head of our country to President Obama. Our nation has come a long way; it has taken us many years to get here; and hopefully, by the grace of God, we will continue moving forward.
There was a 2nd time during the ceremony when I was moved close to tears: when they sang the National Anthem. How many times have we heard that song? At every sporting event, graduation ceremony, Independence day, etc. We all know the words, but have we really stopped to think about them?

O! say can you see by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming.
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming.
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

This song speaks of a glimmer of hope that a waving flag gave to people. Even though there were rockets and bombs flying through the air, the flag remained unharmed, still 'gallantly streaming.'
That flag is our country. With rockets and bombs surrounding us, we remain intact. Still strong, still united, still America.

I wish our new President the best of luck as he embarks on a 4 year journey that will no doubt be difficult. I pray that he will seek God's guidance in every decision and will act in the interest of every citizen. Not only the rich, elite, educated, and political citizens, but each and every one of them.

Mi Pueblito

I had lunch with one of my friends today at Mi Pueblito, a.k.a. 'The Pueb", which is, in my opinion, the best Mexican resaurant in the galaxy. Everytime I go to this restaurant, I always feel the need to speak Spanish, you know... because I can. But I freak out, and I don't.
Today, as Anne and I were walking out, our waiter passed us and said "Gracias" and without even thinking about it I just said, "nada." I involuntarily spoke Spanish today. Which means that my Spanish is getting to a point where it's 2nd nature. Pretty soon, (at least I hope) I won't really have to think about it.
I've started getting to the point where when I read in spanish I don't have to translate it in my head, I just know what it's saying. It's really hard to describe, but that's where I am. But I'm really excited about it! For a while lately I've been 2nd guessing my decision to be a spanish major because I felt like I wasn't improving any, but now I can see that I definitely am!