Lately I've felt out of place. I don't really know why, just felt like I didn't really fit anywhere. That's what this blog said when it was in Spanish, in case you were wondering. But now I've realized I was just being dramatic and petty and I'm over it.
But I still can't wait to go to England and Spain!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
I wonder
As I mentioned in my last blog, I already have an idea of who I'm marrying.
Meaning obviously (as cliche and 7th grade-ish as this sounds) I have a 'crush' on someone.
Unfortunately, it has become apparent that this is someone that I can't have, and I have to wonder if he has realized that I fully intend to marry him.
If he has realized the way I feel, then he's a jerk, because he keeps doing things that pull me in more- that make me more attracted to him, that in the words of Twilight, still "dazzle me."
If he hasn't realized it, then I can't really blame him because it's his personality to be friendly, but then I wonder how can he possibly not know? I've never really done a good job at not wearing my heart on my sleeve- it's really obvious most of the time when I'm attracted to someone.
It's just frustrating, and quite frankly exhausting.
There are days when I am physically tired from controling my emotions all day long.
I'm sure this blog sounds really melodramatic, but no one is going to read it anyway- so it doesn't really matter.
But since I'm weird, I googled "Unrequited love quotes" and there are actually some good ones.
1. If you're not the one for me, and I still think you're perfect, think of how amazing it will be to find the one who is. (This is actually what I've thought about a lot lately)
2. The one who makes me the happiest is always the one who is already taken. (Story of my life)
Meaning obviously (as cliche and 7th grade-ish as this sounds) I have a 'crush' on someone.
Unfortunately, it has become apparent that this is someone that I can't have, and I have to wonder if he has realized that I fully intend to marry him.
If he has realized the way I feel, then he's a jerk, because he keeps doing things that pull me in more- that make me more attracted to him, that in the words of Twilight, still "dazzle me."
If he hasn't realized it, then I can't really blame him because it's his personality to be friendly, but then I wonder how can he possibly not know? I've never really done a good job at not wearing my heart on my sleeve- it's really obvious most of the time when I'm attracted to someone.
It's just frustrating, and quite frankly exhausting.
There are days when I am physically tired from controling my emotions all day long.
I'm sure this blog sounds really melodramatic, but no one is going to read it anyway- so it doesn't really matter.
But since I'm weird, I googled "Unrequited love quotes" and there are actually some good ones.
1. If you're not the one for me, and I still think you're perfect, think of how amazing it will be to find the one who is. (This is actually what I've thought about a lot lately)
2. The one who makes me the happiest is always the one who is already taken. (Story of my life)
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Thinking about my future
It's so scary to think about the future, you know?
Of course I know that it's all in God's hands, and that He will take care of everything in a better way than I can ever imagine, but the human side of me still worries about it. Like most other girls, I have this idea of what my future should look like. Where I am, what I'm doing, who I'm with, what kind of life I'm living, etc. Brought on mostly by chick-flicks that give me unrealistic expectations not only of guys but of relationships that are nearly perfect, I've pretty much planned out my entire future in my head.
Right now, when I think of the future, I think of my travels of course, because that's what's on my mind right now and that's what this blog is about. But then I fast-forward to settling down. I see myself with a husband (and I have an idea of who that is too) and kids, raising them in a town not unlike the one I grew up in. I see myself going to work everyday and loving every minute of it because I am spending my days teaching other people to speak Spanish. I see my husband having a really good job and us as a family getting to travel in a way I never really got to. Sure, my family went to the beach during the summer, but I've always wanted to go to more places. As of the moment, I've never been further West than Purdy, MO, further South than the Bahamas, further North than Niagara Falls, or further East than Washington, DC. I want my kids to be able to look in their school books, see pictures of a monument, city, or park and say "I've been there. I've seen that in person."
And it's scary to think that my life won't turn out like that. Of course, as I said earlier, God has EVERYTHING in control, and whatever He has planned will be better, but right now, the life I described earlier is what I want. At this point in my life, I can't see things going any other way, and right now not everything is going how I planned...so that's 'bad'. Does that make any sense at all? I hope so.
Well that's my random thoughts for this night as I put off studying some more.
Of course I know that it's all in God's hands, and that He will take care of everything in a better way than I can ever imagine, but the human side of me still worries about it. Like most other girls, I have this idea of what my future should look like. Where I am, what I'm doing, who I'm with, what kind of life I'm living, etc. Brought on mostly by chick-flicks that give me unrealistic expectations not only of guys but of relationships that are nearly perfect, I've pretty much planned out my entire future in my head.
Right now, when I think of the future, I think of my travels of course, because that's what's on my mind right now and that's what this blog is about. But then I fast-forward to settling down. I see myself with a husband (and I have an idea of who that is too) and kids, raising them in a town not unlike the one I grew up in. I see myself going to work everyday and loving every minute of it because I am spending my days teaching other people to speak Spanish. I see my husband having a really good job and us as a family getting to travel in a way I never really got to. Sure, my family went to the beach during the summer, but I've always wanted to go to more places. As of the moment, I've never been further West than Purdy, MO, further South than the Bahamas, further North than Niagara Falls, or further East than Washington, DC. I want my kids to be able to look in their school books, see pictures of a monument, city, or park and say "I've been there. I've seen that in person."
And it's scary to think that my life won't turn out like that. Of course, as I said earlier, God has EVERYTHING in control, and whatever He has planned will be better, but right now, the life I described earlier is what I want. At this point in my life, I can't see things going any other way, and right now not everything is going how I planned...so that's 'bad'. Does that make any sense at all? I hope so.
Well that's my random thoughts for this night as I put off studying some more.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Still Waiting
I've known for a long time what I wanted to do more than anything else.
In a word: travel.
My goal: all fifty states, all seven continents. I want to stand overlooking the Grand Canyon, be in four states at once, and drive down Route 66. I want to look into the faces of the Presidents carved into Mt. Rushmore and hike through the natural beauty of Yellowstone. How many people have actually spent a day at Ellis Island in awe of the bravery of millions that left everything for just a chance at a better life? I want to stand in the shadows of the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben, Pisa and Stonehenge. I want to feel royal as I stand outside the gates of Buckingham Palace and the palace of Versailles. I want to marvel at the architecture of the Roman aqueduct in Segovia and the castles of Ireland. I would love nothing more than to be a first hand witness to the places most people see only on television.
But for now, I have to wait, left to literally counting down the days until my travels begin, because I know when they do.
January 7, 2010.
1 year, 1 month, and 2 days from today, I will be on my way to England, and 8 months after I return from there, Spain.
I just get so excited thinking about getting the opportunity to travel! I can't wait!
In a word: travel.
My goal: all fifty states, all seven continents. I want to stand overlooking the Grand Canyon, be in four states at once, and drive down Route 66. I want to look into the faces of the Presidents carved into Mt. Rushmore and hike through the natural beauty of Yellowstone. How many people have actually spent a day at Ellis Island in awe of the bravery of millions that left everything for just a chance at a better life? I want to stand in the shadows of the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben, Pisa and Stonehenge. I want to feel royal as I stand outside the gates of Buckingham Palace and the palace of Versailles. I want to marvel at the architecture of the Roman aqueduct in Segovia and the castles of Ireland. I would love nothing more than to be a first hand witness to the places most people see only on television.
But for now, I have to wait, left to literally counting down the days until my travels begin, because I know when they do.
January 7, 2010.
1 year, 1 month, and 2 days from today, I will be on my way to England, and 8 months after I return from there, Spain.
I just get so excited thinking about getting the opportunity to travel! I can't wait!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)