Yes, this is my second blog today.
I was just cleaning my room, and found a book that I had been doing a Bible study in before the break, but I forgot it and left it here, so I couldn't continue over the six weeks I was home. It's a Beth Moore (love her) study called Believing God. I opened it up and was flipping through, and realized I have not been doing so lately... believing Him, I mean. And I started to think about why I hadn't. I didn't really have to think long.
I have not been in the Word enough. As a matter of fact, I have not been in it at all outside of church. I epically fail at immersing myself in what I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, is the Living Word of God, and I really don't know why. What I do know, is that not knowing what He reveals to me through His Word makes it completely impossible to believe Him. After all, how do you believe someone you don't know?
I have been unintentionally putting distance between myself and God for quite some time now. My prayer life has been slacking, and like I said, my daily time in study has been non-existent. For years, people have hammered it into me that "You need to be in the Word every day. You must continue seeking after God with all your heart on a daily basis." And now I know why. Because the first leads to the second. I have not been able to seek Him with all my heart because I have not been in the Word. Because I have not been in the Word, my mind has been all over the place, as has my heart. Immersed in the crazy mixed up emotions of this world, I think I fell into a state of anxiety over the break. I don't want to say 'depression' because I honestly don't think I was depressed. I was angry, anxious, self-pitying: all the emotions that Satan can throw at a teenage girl. I was angry at my friends for not giving me the attention that Satan said they owed me, I was anxious over starting back to school- not knowing how I was going to feel based on the fact that the Evil one was telling me I didn't have any friends anymore, and self-pitying because I believed him. I believed Satan continually telling me that I was alone, that I was unwanted, that I was obsolete.
Then, I found the cure for that feeling in the strangest place.
I was watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix the night before classes started, and I found something that Luna Lovegood said very inspiring..
Luna was telling Harry that she believed him about Voldemort returning, and Harry said he appreciated that, and that he thought she was about the only one who believed him. Luna proceeded to tell Harry that she didn't think that was true, and that she supposed Voldemort wanted him to feel that way. When Harry confusedly asked her what she meant, she said, "Well, if I were You-Know-Who, I'd want you to feel cut off from everyone else. Because if it's just you alone you're not as much of a threat."
I suddenly realized that Voldemort parallelled Satan in that his whole purpose is to keep us from being a threat to him. And he was making me less of a threat, pulling me away from my savior, by making me feel alone.
(I promise this is getting to the title "Pensamientos")
I started thinking about what I knew, and I found a bookmark from my Bible study that has 5 basic truths on it.
1. God is who He says He is.
2. God can do what He says He can do.
3. I am who God says I am.
4. I can do all things through Christ.
5. God's Word is alive and active in me.
Number 5 hit me specifically when I realized that whether I have been making an effort or not, God's Word has "hidden itself in my heart." It is still doing work in me. And here we get to the title. When I read number 5, all the verses that I had memorized came to the forefront of my mind, proving to me that I am never as far from God as it seems. And my favorite verse, the only one I have so far memorized in Spanish, came to me.
Porque yo sé los pensamientos que tengo acerca de vosotros, dice Jehová, pensamientos de paz, y no de mal, para daros el fin que esperáis.
-Jeremías 29:11
Why the word 'pensamientos' then for the title? Because I found it interesting the way it is used in this verse. In English, the word is "plans." But in Spanish, 'pensamientos' means thoughts. So the verse, literally translated from Spanish to English reads:
"Because I know the thoughts I have around you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, in order to give you the end you hope for."
God not only has plans for each of us, but He is in the active process of thinking about us. Does that make sense? He didn't just sit down one day and draw up some plans for each of our lives, blueprints that he then rolled up and put into storage. He thinks about us every day.
Therefor, if He, the Almight Creator, Author and Perfector of all, can think about everyone on a daily basis, I should also have my "pensamientos" centered around Him.
So, there. Pensamientos.
Muy bien.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Snowy Days
I used to always think I wanted to move up North and get a job after college, because I absolutely love the snow. But these last few days have made me realize that when there is snow on the ground, I want everything cancelled so I can stay at home and enjoy my snow from inside.
Unfortunately, up north they are prepared for the snow, and it would take a few FEET of the white stuff to close anything. And that would not make me happy.
I'm ok with Western not cancelling classes the past couple of days, it just would have been really nice if they had at least made an effort to salt or shovel main walkways and stairs. Once a few thousand people start walking on snow, it starts to compress and turn to ice. And Sperry's don't have good traction, as I learned yesterday morning on my way to TCNW.
But all the same, the snow was still beautiful, and I still love it.
Unfortunately, up north they are prepared for the snow, and it would take a few FEET of the white stuff to close anything. And that would not make me happy.
I'm ok with Western not cancelling classes the past couple of days, it just would have been really nice if they had at least made an effort to salt or shovel main walkways and stairs. Once a few thousand people start walking on snow, it starts to compress and turn to ice. And Sperry's don't have good traction, as I learned yesterday morning on my way to TCNW.
But all the same, the snow was still beautiful, and I still love it.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Starting a New Semester
Wow.
2nd semester is going to be... interesting, to say the least.
My biology class is going to be easier than crap. We have 3 chances to take each test we have.
Really? That still qualifies as a test?
Educational Psych I think will be hard and demanding, but still lots of fun! I'm really interested in the topics we're going to study. I've even already read the first chapter of my textbook. Crazy, huh?
French is going to be, well... French. Already I am again the only one who answers any questions. Which I must say is sort of annoying.
Oh, Spanish.
For the first time ever, I am scared of my spanish class. It has taken me 45 minutes to read 5 pages. Today in class I had no idea what Dr. Stewart was talking about. Like, I understood the meaning of the words she was saying, but didn't have a clue what she was talking about. It was like being an algebra student in calculus 2. I understood the language, not the concepts. This should be very interesting.
All of this is topped off nicely by the fact that all of these classes are spread out over the entire campus. I start off at 9:10 in Thompson North, then at 10:20 I'm in Tate-Page, then 11:30 back up to FAC, then to work in the AC at 12:45, then back up to FAC at 3.
I walk all the way up the hill once, and half-way up twice.
Boo.
2nd semester is going to be... interesting, to say the least.
My biology class is going to be easier than crap. We have 3 chances to take each test we have.
Really? That still qualifies as a test?
Educational Psych I think will be hard and demanding, but still lots of fun! I'm really interested in the topics we're going to study. I've even already read the first chapter of my textbook. Crazy, huh?
French is going to be, well... French. Already I am again the only one who answers any questions. Which I must say is sort of annoying.
Oh, Spanish.
For the first time ever, I am scared of my spanish class. It has taken me 45 minutes to read 5 pages. Today in class I had no idea what Dr. Stewart was talking about. Like, I understood the meaning of the words she was saying, but didn't have a clue what she was talking about. It was like being an algebra student in calculus 2. I understood the language, not the concepts. This should be very interesting.
All of this is topped off nicely by the fact that all of these classes are spread out over the entire campus. I start off at 9:10 in Thompson North, then at 10:20 I'm in Tate-Page, then 11:30 back up to FAC, then to work in the AC at 12:45, then back up to FAC at 3.
I walk all the way up the hill once, and half-way up twice.
Boo.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
A Day for the History Books
Today, I watched as the first African-American was sworn in as the President of the United States. It really was an incredible experience. The last estimate I heard was that over 2 million people attended the ceremony, and that 3/4 of the country was watching it on a TV somewhere.
No, I did not vote for President Obama; I actually did not vote for anyone, as I was not 18 when November 4th arrived. Since I knew I wouldn't be able to vote, I didn't follow the election closely at all. I didn't watch any debates, and I tuned out people that started talking about the candidates. I don't know if I would have voted for President Obama or not. All I know is that watching the ceremony on TV was… moving to say the least. I was watching CNN and they showed different shots of people all over the country, standing and sitting, crowded into conference rooms and street corners, watching history being made. From Memphis, to Harlem, to San Diego, people all over the country stopped what they were doing to look in awe at how far our country has come over the past 60 years. I was brought nearly to tears when I saw all of the diversity in the faces that CNN showed. First, an older white man, then a young Latino mother, a middle-aged Asian man, a family of middle -eastern descent, an African-American college student: all United States citizens, all equal, all free. Man, to think about the distance we've covered as a people.
Only 54 years ago, Rosa Parks was arrested for refusing to give up her seat on the bus to a white man. And today, the whole world watched as Mr. Bush peacefully gave up his seat at the head of our country to President Obama. Our nation has come a long way; it has taken us many years to get here; and hopefully, by the grace of God, we will continue moving forward.
There was a 2nd time during the ceremony when I was moved close to tears: when they sang the National Anthem. How many times have we heard that song? At every sporting event, graduation ceremony, Independence day, etc. We all know the words, but have we really stopped to think about them?
O! say can you see by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming.
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming.
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
This song speaks of a glimmer of hope that a waving flag gave to people. Even though there were rockets and bombs flying through the air, the flag remained unharmed, still 'gallantly streaming.'
That flag is our country. With rockets and bombs surrounding us, we remain intact. Still strong, still united, still America.
I wish our new President the best of luck as he embarks on a 4 year journey that will no doubt be difficult. I pray that he will seek God's guidance in every decision and will act in the interest of every citizen. Not only the rich, elite, educated, and political citizens, but each and every one of them.
No, I did not vote for President Obama; I actually did not vote for anyone, as I was not 18 when November 4th arrived. Since I knew I wouldn't be able to vote, I didn't follow the election closely at all. I didn't watch any debates, and I tuned out people that started talking about the candidates. I don't know if I would have voted for President Obama or not. All I know is that watching the ceremony on TV was… moving to say the least. I was watching CNN and they showed different shots of people all over the country, standing and sitting, crowded into conference rooms and street corners, watching history being made. From Memphis, to Harlem, to San Diego, people all over the country stopped what they were doing to look in awe at how far our country has come over the past 60 years. I was brought nearly to tears when I saw all of the diversity in the faces that CNN showed. First, an older white man, then a young Latino mother, a middle-aged Asian man, a family of middle -eastern descent, an African-American college student: all United States citizens, all equal, all free. Man, to think about the distance we've covered as a people.
Only 54 years ago, Rosa Parks was arrested for refusing to give up her seat on the bus to a white man. And today, the whole world watched as Mr. Bush peacefully gave up his seat at the head of our country to President Obama. Our nation has come a long way; it has taken us many years to get here; and hopefully, by the grace of God, we will continue moving forward.
There was a 2nd time during the ceremony when I was moved close to tears: when they sang the National Anthem. How many times have we heard that song? At every sporting event, graduation ceremony, Independence day, etc. We all know the words, but have we really stopped to think about them?
O! say can you see by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming.
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming.
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
This song speaks of a glimmer of hope that a waving flag gave to people. Even though there were rockets and bombs flying through the air, the flag remained unharmed, still 'gallantly streaming.'
That flag is our country. With rockets and bombs surrounding us, we remain intact. Still strong, still united, still America.
I wish our new President the best of luck as he embarks on a 4 year journey that will no doubt be difficult. I pray that he will seek God's guidance in every decision and will act in the interest of every citizen. Not only the rich, elite, educated, and political citizens, but each and every one of them.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Mi Pueblito
I had lunch with one of my friends today at Mi Pueblito, a.k.a. 'The Pueb", which is, in my opinion, the best Mexican resaurant in the galaxy. Everytime I go to this restaurant, I always feel the need to speak Spanish, you know... because I can. But I freak out, and I don't.
Today, as Anne and I were walking out, our waiter passed us and said "Gracias" and without even thinking about it I just said, "nada." I involuntarily spoke Spanish today. Which means that my Spanish is getting to a point where it's 2nd nature. Pretty soon, (at least I hope) I won't really have to think about it.
I've started getting to the point where when I read in spanish I don't have to translate it in my head, I just know what it's saying. It's really hard to describe, but that's where I am. But I'm really excited about it! For a while lately I've been 2nd guessing my decision to be a spanish major because I felt like I wasn't improving any, but now I can see that I definitely am!
Today, as Anne and I were walking out, our waiter passed us and said "Gracias" and without even thinking about it I just said, "nada." I involuntarily spoke Spanish today. Which means that my Spanish is getting to a point where it's 2nd nature. Pretty soon, (at least I hope) I won't really have to think about it.
I've started getting to the point where when I read in spanish I don't have to translate it in my head, I just know what it's saying. It's really hard to describe, but that's where I am. But I'm really excited about it! For a while lately I've been 2nd guessing my decision to be a spanish major because I felt like I wasn't improving any, but now I can see that I definitely am!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
The new year is here!
Well, it's 2009. I can't believe that. I remember vividly sitting on my chair in the living room last year, watching the ball drop with my family, and staring at my phone as I watched the year change from 2007 to 2008 thinking, "Yes! 2008 is finally here! I graduate this year!" It was a year I had been waiting for for a LONG time. And a TON of things happened that year. Let's break it down: January- Heck- it was 2008! I graduated that year! I think that was enough! February- February 18- A day that will live in my life forever. That weekend, I travelled to Berry College in Rome, GA ( A school I was DEAD SET on going to, despite the $35,000 a year it was going to cost me to go) for the Presidential Scholarship Competition. It was one of the most intense days of my life- because so much hinged on it. I knew in my mind that if I didn't get the scholarship, I wasn't going. Over 250 kids competed for 5 scholarships. March- Went to my first real play. I got to see Wicked for my birthday. It was a few months AFTER my birthday, but it's whatever. I also got to go to an authentic Spanish restaurant and I spoke Spanish outside the classroom for the first time ever. A few weeks after that I found out that I didn't get the Berry Presidential Scholarship. And cried. A lot. April- Went on a cruise to the Bahamas with 9 of my best friends and had the time of my life. It was fabulous and I would go back and do it again in a heartbeat! May- Hmmm- what happened in May??? I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL. I FINALLY walked across that stage and got my diploma. June- Gatlinburg with the family. GSP reunion. My last CIY. At least I think it was in June. The summer really all ran together. I got my first 2 steady jobs and learned just how hard it is to be a teacher. (I was a Spanish tutor). July- Got bitten by the demon child I babysat on a daily basis, and started saying goodbye to some really good friends. August- MOVED INTO WESTERN!!! Officially became a college kid. And let me tell you- it's fabulous. September- Helped a friend get over a terrible, tragic loss and realized that my life's 'problems' really are nothing. October- My first college Homecoming/Halloween experiences. I am really glad I skipped going to Cleveland that weekend. Nothing against the family, I love them all too- it was just one of those college opportunities you can't miss. And my Halloween costume was awesome, and no one can deny that. November- Realized I really do like French and wanted to continue it and make it my double major. December- Got my wisdom teeth out (first surgery), turned 18, and realized that some friendships are starting to dissolve and slowly disappear. All in all, 2008 was a good year. I've made a ton of new friends, and many more acquaintances. I can only hope and pray that 2009 is just as good, or even better. Hopefully I won't get too excited about the springs of 2010 and 2011 when I'm studying abroad and I will enjoy what each day in 2009 has to bring me. Happy New Year everyone!
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